TURNING ON YOUR HEROES: IS IT EVER ACCEPTABLE?

Wilson Palacios turned in the season’s worst performance against Liverpool. Other than unloading a cavalcade of woeful, inaccurate passes, our former midfield general lost 50-50s to the famously limp Lucas, lost every forward run made by a red shirt and lost any scrap of confidence he might have had. However, did he really deserve the ironic, mocking cheers select fans chose to give him?

I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of gunning for our own. Ramon Vega was the first one for me. The second game of the ’98-99 season saw us lose 3-0 at home to Sheffield Wednesday, with Vega the ringleader in the terribleness. The booing was so bad, Sol Campbell started jumping up and down furiously, pleading with the fans to stop. I often wondered if that was a moment where Campbell numbed his feelings towards the support. I joined in that day, (I was 15, in my defence), and while I’ve done my best to stifle moaning ever since, Ramon certainly isn’t the only Spur to hear us fans turn.

A mention of Wilson’s treatment on Twitter drew a few immediate responses. The fag-end of Chris Armstrong’s Spurs career was met with some fairly robust derision, reminded one friend. Another recalled Young Pyo-Lee’s meltdown against Manchester United leaving the crowd baying for blood, before ten minutes later guiltily chanting the poor Korean’s name. And I think it’s probably best we all forget the response that met Grzegorz Rasiak’s efforts at White Hart Lane.

But is this treatment acceptable? Or beneficial? Booing the team off at half time is one thing, but singling out a player for special treatment is quite another. In Wilson’s case, there are, of course, extenuating circumstances for his form. He lost his brother in horrific circumstances last year. He’s a player that needs to get into a rhythm but is frequently benched. He’s got a younger, almost identical player gunning for him. He’s also playing in a team overloaded with pretty, intricate ballplayers. When he – or fellow possession gifter Alan Hutton  - makes an errant pass, it’s all the more obvious. He may never recapture the tigerish form that endeared him to us all on arrival, but the guy’s struggling for a reason.

We all pay excellent and hard-earned money to watch our team, and we expect their utmost as a result. But mocking a player who visually requires a lift feels cruel. I doubt Palacios vowed to fight harder when he heard the ironic cheers: he probably just felt humiliated and slunk further into his shell. Ultimately, the players thrive of our support just as much as we thrive off their moments of genius.

So, which players have you voiced your disapproval towards? Do you regret it? And did Wilson deserve his ironic cheers? 

THE LIVERPOOL LATE SHOW & PLAYER RATINGS

When Gareth Bale evolved into Bale 2.0 last season – around the time he dismantled Arsenal and Chelsea in the same week – most of us became giddy at the prospect of he and a fit Aaron Lennon manning our flanks. Against Werder Bremen we were given a taste of that combination’s potency. In defeating Liverpool, both only had a fleeting influence, but they were decisive ones. They’re finally both fit, and they’re both confident. Meaning we could really be in business.

As I just said, neither were able to hand Glen Johnson and Paul Konchesky prolonged spells of proper torment yesterday, but Lennon’s chancer’s run and icy finish for his last-knockings winner showed he could be back to pre-injury vintage. Meanwhile, Johnson played Bale with the due care and caution last shown at White Hart Lane by Phil Neville. No matter: Gareth caused havoc with some slaloming runs through the middle instead. If we are to be without Rafael van der Vaart for a time, their continued effectiveness is essential.

Crowning a week that saw us upset Arsenal away and strut into the business end of the Champions League proved bloody hard. The players started exhausted but fortunately roused themselves into resistance just before they were ready to hand Fernando Torres or Maxi Rodriguez another chance to kill the game off. Such was their legginess early on, maybe we needed to concede to gee us up. Either way, let us be thankful for another almighty William Gallas shift. One misjudged foray into Liverpool’s half aside, the captain was a gruff, aggressive and inspirational force back there. Now he’s played himself into fitness, form and, quite honestly, caring, Gallas’ signing could be a coup to rival Van der Vaart’s. Harry revealed in August that Gallas needs to start 30 games for a second year to kick in: I’d lower that amount right now. Without him this season, where would we be? And what exactly is our first choice centre back pairing now? Gallas and Dawson?

There’s almost too much to discuss from this game. Palacios’ newest low is something I’m planning on handling in another post, while our penalty situation should be resolved with a fit Rafa being handed the duty full-time. I’m insisting his Twente miss was a one-off on a night where he went a bit mental. Sadly, it might be a while before VdV’s ready to take up any on-field responsibilities. Harry confirmed on talkSPORT that: “he felt it (his hamstring) go, and it looks like a long job.” Which is a bit rubbish, really.

Fortunately, Luka Modrić seems ready to inherit some of Rafa’s creative slack. I’m often guilty of over-critiquing some of Luka’s performances, such are my expectations for his form. But yesterday he drove us on and provided a Gazza-like dart into the heart of the opposition when we really, really needed it. He suffers not playing alongside Tom Huddlestone – particularly when Palacios requires constant monitoring – but it feels like he’s on the cusp of his best Tottenham form.

OK, some player ratings.

1. Heurelho Gomes It’s not just me: he’s not at last seasons level, right? Made a few decisive punches, but Liverpool’s failure to add a second was through their dallying and Sébastien Bassong, not any Gomes saves. 6/10

2.  Alan Hutton I’ve started to notice that Alan is particularly lax at attempting to block shots. Or crosses. Fortunately, he had Paul Konchesky to really show what a slightly inferior full back is all about. 6/10

13. William Gallas Colossal. I’m sure he’ll have a meltdown and punch Gareth Bale in the face soon, but right now, I’m thrilled to have the grizzled vet on our side. 9/10

4. Younes Kaboul Wimped out after blocking a shoot with his hip. Not sure he fancied it. 4/10

32. Benoît Assou-Ekotto Lucky with the Kuyt penalty incident, and didn’t really give Gareth much of a helping hand today. Unnaturally quiet. 6/10

7. Aaron Lennon Threatened to give Konchesky the skinning he deserves early on, but eventually just settled on winning the game. He’s so nearly right back there. 7/10

12. Wilson Palacios I’ve not booed a Tottenham player since Ramon Vega’s Spurs career plummeted into farce during a 3-0 home defeat to Sheffield Wednesday. But I was stifling my lustiest chorus of disapproval midway through the second half. 3/10

14. Luka Modrić Creatively freed whenever Van der Vaart doesn’t feature. Don’t know where that burst of pace came from for the equalizer. 8/10

3. Gareth Bale Johnson surprised everyone with his success against our boy wonder, but he still probed, drove on and used the ball sensibly. I was concerned that his penalty miss midweek might have robbed him of some confidence, but fortunately not. 7/10

11. Rafael van der Vaart Not really applicable here. Get well soon, Rafa. We need you for pens, if anything else.

15. Peter Crouch I liked Crouchy’s performance yesterday. Showed some dainty footwork  in holding the ball up, consistently won his aerial battles and bullied the Big Greek Fella for the winner. 8/10

Substitutes

19. Sébastien Bassong Brilliant. Torres may have dilly-dallied, but his gear-changing pace still arguably kept us alive. Unfortunate to find himself bottom of our centre back pile considering his consistency. 8/10

18. Jermain Defoe Proving his furious Arsenal cameo was the adrenaline talking. He’s not there yet (and is the worst penalty taker of recent times), but let’s be patient with him. 6/10

30. Sandro Didn’t do anything silly in his 120 seconds.  5/10

SABOTAGE TIMES FEATURE: WERDER BREMEN PREVIEW

Following my Harry piece, Sabotage Times asked me to write a preview for tonight's crucial Werder Bremen game. I did my level best not to just write "Please let Gareth Bale be OK" several hundred times. You can read what I did come up with below. Pass it on to any Spurs-abiding friends. 

You can click on the Sabotage Times logo, or right here for the feature. 

EMIRATES EUPHORIA: THE PLAYER RATINGS

69 goes. 1993. Two nil down and embarrassingly outplayed by half time. Not a defensive midfielder in sight. And yet, somehow, we just trumped the home win over Inter by defeating Arsenal away, 3-2. I know you all know that. I just liked typing it out again.

Let’s be honest, Arsenal threatened a humiliation in the first half. And even their second half capitulation featured several very presentable opportunities. Fàbregas may have conceded an unforgivably boneheaded penalty, but their captain showed he’s probably the Premier League’s classiest player. As a team they looked fitter, stronger and quicker than us. Yet, we somehow turned a pitiful derby humbling into one of those landmark, slightly hysterical occasions that’ll see our DVD partners firing up their disc burners.

Much as I’d hoped in the preview, the difference with Defoe up top was astounding. Suddenly, hopeful balls down the channels looked like purposeful ones. Koscielny and Squillaci were anxiously peering over their shoulders and as Bale’s goal showed: a Van der Vaart-Defoe-Bale attacking trident will prove potent. It was great to have him back.

But forget that starry trio. It was a day for the much-maligned and unfashionable to take a bow. Jermaine Jenas has absolutely everything as a footballer – size, passing range, gazelle-like pace, shooting ability – but has never, ever shown the desire he left on that field. He was constantly out-manoeuvred by Fàbregas, but never shirked and never left us too exposed. Suddenly, losing Huddlestone feels less daunting and maybe we're witnessing the rebirth of a more disciplined, mature Jenas. That’s a Crouchy-sized “maybe”, of course.

Our former vice-captain might have felt aggrieved not being handed the armband, with Harry plumping for some time-honoured mindgames in appointing Gallas. Fortunately, it didn’t backfire and instead proved inspired. OK, he’s a sullen mercenary who’s past his prime, but he was my man of the match and has now won round his third batch of London supporters. Beside him, Younes was equally committed and, of course, has his own signature Tottenham moment safely banked. We won’t be forgetting that glanced header for a while.


PLAYER RATINGS

1. Heurelho Gomes Lucky boy. His weedy gaffe will be forgotten amongst all the hysteria, but he’s slipping back into disturbing habits. He’ll be well tested against Bremen, too. 6/10

2. Alan Hutton Frequently spooked out of possession by Arsenal’s lightening quick closing down, which only highlighted how he’s just not quite got the technical ability of his teammates. However, he bombed forward with good grace and is improving. 6/10

13. William Gallas Brilliantly marshalled a panicked, overrun back line, showed class and experience in his countless interceptions and used the ball well. Welcome aboard, captain. 9/10

4. Younes Kaboul He’ll be as good as his concentration allows. Right now, our goal hero will prove very tricky to drop once a few defensive rivals return. 8/10

32. Benoît Assou-Ekotto I’ll admit, he’s becoming one of my favourites. Assured, but could obviously show more willing to stay with his man. Still, he’s one of the league’s most underrated players, in my opinion. 7/10

7. Aaron Lennon Looked unfit. Harry admitted his winger-led formation led to our first half humbling, and Len certainly didn’t help matters with his constant tardiness in possession. Hopefully he’ll be back flying on Wednesday night. 4/10

8. Jermaine Jenas He wasn’t pretty and could’ve kept the ball better, but it’s hard to knock a showing that gutsy. Keep your head down, JJ, and you could find yourself a first team regular again. 7/10

14. Luka Modrić Occasionally scarpered forward with purpose, but I grew tired tutting at some of his lazy, under-hit passes. His lack of presence obviously isn’t his fault (nor is his selection as part of a two-man central midfield), but does sometimes leave looking like a luxury. I can’t help but feel he owes us a few more decisive moments – whether it’s goals or clever assists – to really justify our affection. 6/10

3. Gareth Bale Firstly, what a gorgeous finish. Secondly, I’d like to see him make a few more central runs if that’s the result. Was policed excellently by arguably the division’s best right-back, but rated against regular expectations, was still very good. 7/10

11. Rafael van der Vaart Looked a bit leggy in the first half and slightly annoyed that Arsenal were so good. Harnessed his irritation nicely in the second half, where his tucked-in right midfield role actually increased his involvement and helped the team wrestle momentum. Pleased he’s scored his first goal outside the Lane, and excellent to see he’s been restored to penalty duties after his Twente mini-meltdown. 8/10

9. Roman Pavlyuchenko The usual selfless shift from our striking workhouse. Of course, I’m being petty and sarcastic, but it’s hard to recall anything of real note. Other than inadvertently setting up their second goal. 4/10

Substitutes

18. Jermain Defoe We’re a totally different outfit with JD hassling defences. Can’t wait for Wednesday night. 7/10

15. Peter Crouch Didn’t do anything wrong, nor anything special. Will be interesting to see if Harry starts with Crouchy, Rafa and Defoe against Bremen. He could find himself become “Plan B” quite quickly. 5/10

12. Wilson Palacios A 5 minute cameo. Wouldn’t it be lovely to see Wilson regain some form? 5/10 

ARSENAL AWAY

Well, at least Jermain’s back. He’ll surely only be sat impatiently on the bench (until Harry snaps after Crouchy sails our only presentable chance of the afternoon into the silent Emirates rafters), but his return is our most positive personnel development since Rafa was bundled in through the deadline doors.

We’re usually atrocious at The Emirates. Something happens to strip us of all composure, strength to hold even the tiniest of Gunner off the ball  and ability to complete basic defensive duties. More often than not the fixture simply provides definitive proof of their superior status. Will tomorrow be any different? Our injury list at least gives us a decent excuse, but its starry membership would indicate some familiar derby misery.

But let’s be positive. We’ve never had Van der Vaart in a North London Derby before. And he’s enormously overdue a stellar performance. I’ve spent two months excited by the prospect of Rafa having a striker to latch onto his teasing through balls, so even if it’s a 15 minute teaser, it’ll be nice to finally see he and Defoe on the same pitch. And, of course, Gareth Bale in any sort of form always gives you half a chance. Watching England-France midweek, I was reminded of Bacary Sagna’s formidable pace, but Bale should at least give him a scare or two. Certainly more than James “Unlikely Mercenary” Milner.  

The biggest obstacle – injuries aside – is our abject inability to keep a clean sheet. William Gallas will have a difficult afternoon regardless of the home fans’ inevitable taunting, and we really need Younes to complete a 90 minutes without a trademark balls-up. Of course, all four defenders could use some protection from our work-shy midfield. Jenas seems an assured starter, but I worry about us heading into a derby armed with just JJ and Modrić as midfield heavies. But then do we risk letting woefully out-of-form Wilson get roundly humiliated by Fàbregas and Wilshere? And then sent off? It might just be a derby we’ve got to grin, bear and pray for some magic in.

PREDICTION: 1-1. Which I know is slightly ridiculous. But we do raise it against the better teams and we’re overdue a decent performance at theirs. Bale is of course key, but I wouldn’t put it beyond Rafa to upstage another of his Dutch teammates. We’ll need some almighty defensive luck though.   

SABOTAGE TIMES FEATURE: "HARRY REDKNAPP: NEXT ENGLAND MANAGER?"

I was recently asked by the excellent Sabotage Times to write something Tottenham-related. So, with Gareth Bale flogged to death and the world not really crying out for a 2,000 word open love letter to Rafael van der Vaart, I decided to write something on our leader. Is gung-ho Harry the savvy choice to succeed Fabio? Or would a slightly dodgy old fella who can't remember foreign names push us further behind the world's elite? 

   Click on the logo or right here for the feature. 

TWITTER

Probably about time I spared my non-Spurs friends from the relentless Tottenham Tweeting on my personal account. So, I've set up a Twitter  for the site. Follow us right here: @ASpursBlog. 

BLACKBURN RELIEF & PLAYER RATINGS

Well, I still don’t trust this team. And I’d absolutely love it if we could field a central midfielder willing to track back. But we won without requiring a Van der Vaart helping hand, Gaël Givet was kind enough to help put Crouchy out of his misery and Gareth Bale has eluded his two game malaise. Much like he did Míchel Salgado for 40 minutes. 

The openness of this season’s side is truly extraordinary/shocking. VdV is my absolute favourite player, but if you must shoehorn him into a midfield four, you have to fortify with the presence of an anchor man. You just have to. Jermaine Jenas did a pretty disciplined job, but his natural instinct is to get all waggy and go join in, which today meant there were enormous gaps between the two banks of four. Yes, it’s marvellous watching Modrić, Rafa, Bale, and both full-backs surge forward to support two forwards like a miniature army, but a bolder team than Blackburn would have carved us up. The human metronome (and increasingly naughty) Tom Huddlestone at least offers a steady presence and knows when to sit back. Actually, that could just be his lack of mobility.

Roman Pavlyuchenko did his utmost to pocket the headlines and I’m fairly sure cemented his place as Most Frustrating Player of Tottenham’s Recent Past this afternoon. Who’ll be our next penalty taker, I wonder? Give ‘em back to Rafa, I say. He was a bit loopy in that Twente game. Anyway, here are my Player Ratings.

PLAYER RATINGS

1.  Heurelho Gomes Did alright considering the barrage of balls hurled into the box but showed some proper soft wrists for Givet's goal. His outlet throws to Bale were particularly on the money today though. 6/10

2.  Alan Hutton Enjoys some lovely moments where he’s able to join in with the jiggery-pokery of his more talented mates. Then in the next breath looks like an old hoofer. Did fairly well with the tricky Hoillet. 7/10

13. William Gallas The hardest man to like in football got about his business fine today. Nothing too rash, certainly no Sunderland-style mishaps. 7/10

4. Younes Kaboul Masterful in cleaning up his own mistakes, which sort-of disguises the fact that he makes a fair few. All the tools, just not sure if he’s got it mentally. 7/10

32. Benoît Assou-Ekotto His usual WHL shift: neat and tidy, stepped out of defence confidently, fed Bale like the mother of a teenage son and occasionally got a bit lazy. 7/10

11. Rafael van der Vaart Brilliant in the first half him though employing as a “right winger” does leave Hutton quite horrifically exposed. Nice cheeky handled assist for Bale’s second. 8/10

14. Luka Modrić He’s great and all, but is he world class? On too many occasions he dances around defenders, the ball looking all endearingly enormous at his tiny feet, only for his always-surprisingly lack of pace or feeble shooting to let him down. Maybe I’m being too harsh. 7/10

8. Jermaine Jenas I’ve quietly become a reformed  JJ fan since his "Energy Guy" reboot. Buzzed around nicely, and responsible for the only midfield tracking back. 7/10

3. Gareth Bale Here he is. The man who was in danger of making us all look silly recently after we swore to our mates he’s the best player in the world. Nice two goal salvo. Could work a bit harder defensively I noticed today. 8/10

9. Roman Pavlyuchenko I could have smacked his vacant Russian face at points in the first half. Until his bullet header flew past England’s No1. I imagine we won’t be seeing as much of Pav when wee JD returns. 7/10

15. Peter Crouch Absolutely thrilled he scored and some of his link-up play was surprisingly un-awkward today. Abbey will be getting a very happy Daddy coming home tonight. 8/10

SUBSTITUTES

12. Wilson Palacios 

30. Sandro
Both barely made a dent at the fag-end of a game we were determined to ruin our goal difference in. 5/10

ASSOU-EKOTTO WEEK

Oddly, Benoît Assou-Ekotto figured quite prominently in my week. I spent most of the Bolton game yelling at him (I do enjoy bellowing advice at finely-tuned athletes from my sofa while inhaling the day’s second packet of crisps) before bumping into our No32 at the Call of Duty: Black Ops launch on Monday night. And that was all before watching him rap. 

I was very pleasantly surprised by how bothered he was by the team’s Reebok humbling. I'd coated him off in my Player Ratings for the Bolton game (not that he reads this tiny website. Or would be particularly bothered), so it would’ve been an opportune time to display some journalistic backbone and take him to task. It would have been, if meeting Spurs players still didn’t reduce me to a giddy, autograph-hunting nine-year-old. I’m now older than most of the players, and I admit it’s pathetic. I occasionally suffer awful flashbacks of begging Jürgen Klinsmann not to leave us in the players’ car park at White Hart Lane. My Dad had to apologise to my hero and usher me away sternly (And despite my impassioned plea, Jürgen still announced his departure days later. Heartless bastard). Anyway, Benoît. I did manage to muster a: “So, what happened on Saturday?” To which he apologised profusely for the result, insisted it wasn’t a penalty (“I used some force, but he went down easy”) and promised to make it up against Sunderland. He was very nice and had a good firm handshake. I was also relieved that he left very soon after. No mindless, boozing the night before a game for Benny. Here’s some photographic evidence of our encounter. Check out my “playing it cool” smile.

He did sort of make it up against Sunderland. Well, at least personally. He logged one of his typically assured White Hart Lane performances (he’s yet to import these savvy showings to away games) and was instrumental in Rafa’s opener. He could return home to play Black Ops comfortable in the knowledge that the blown three points was down to his fellow French-speaking defenders, not him. (Seriously: three quarters of our current defence speak French. How are they not communicating properly?)

It also turns out Benoît’s quite the gamer. I was sent some exclusive pictures of him enjoying Def Jam Rapstar (forthcoming and very cool “rap karaoke” game) yesterday. Which made me laugh, not least because I can imagine he and David Bentley on away trips trying to get Harry rhyming along to Dr Dre Nuthin’ But A G-Thang. He was apparently very good at Rapstar, although he’s looking forward to the French version of the game. Let’s hope Assou-Ekotto Week can conclude in winning fashion today.

BLACKBURN PREDICTION: I don’t make this bold shout with too much conviction, but I think we’ll win 3-1. If Bale can’t humiliate 35-year-old Míchel Salgado and put at least one goal on an enormous serving platter for Crouchy today, let’s all give up our heady dreams of retaining 4^th. Rafa needs to turn in one of his Villa-style Superman games, too. We need him to add more than a three-yard poacher’s goal this afternoon. Come on you Spurs. And come on Benny.  

WANTED: GOALS

Harry might tut at the booing and insist all’s well, but something’s not been right in the league since the second half of the Fulham game. And that was 16 October. We’re either knackered, no longer bothered by boring old league fare, or just not as good as we thought. What we definitely are is sluggish going forward and suicidal at the back. It’s a miserable combination.

As Redknapp said himself, we’re desperately short of pace at the moment and lugging balls up the designated forward isn’t going to leave Michael Turner and his oafish ilk rocking. But what are the potential  solutions?

Play two up front Pav and Crouch aren’t an ideal pairing (and potentially not even possible if Pav misses the Blackburn game), but there’s certainly stats to link our lack of goals with our switch to one up front. Van der Vaart is the best player we’ve signed in years, but it might be time to sling him back into midfield, damn the defensive consequences and revert to two old fashioned strikers. At least in home games against resolute bus-parkers. 

Move Gareth Bale to left back It’s becoming increasingly simple for the opposition to stop him whilst he’s in such an advanced position. His opposing right back simply man marks him while the right midfielder is deployed deeper and helps when needed. However, moving Bale back to left back means his runs come from far deeper and become far trickier to pick up. This also gives us the chance to shift Modrić back on the left, thus adding some extra steel into the midfield. Of course, Assou-Ekotto would be the real casualty here. But he probably won’t care too much.

Dip into the youth team John Obika’s busy not setting the world alight at Palace, and we rarely hear rave reports from any of the Academy boys, but surely there’s one bright spark among our youth system who fancies making a name for himself? Local lads Harry Kane and Kudus Oyenuga scored hatfuls at youth levels last year. At the very worst they’d run about a bit more than Pav.

Recall Robbie Keane Could The Ghost of Robbie Keane really be the answer? Probably not, but perhaps his decline could partly be down to his lack of consistent first team football. Nah, I’ve talked myself out of this already. He’s shot. 

Any better ideas to solve our goal drought? Leave them below.

HOME TO SUNDERLAND

Huge one, this. Lose or draw and we’re glaring at a minor crisis. Win and we’re nudging those Champions League spots again. Yes, the league’s so tight that Liverpool can be knee-deep in relegation bother and seven days later be sat level with us, but it’s time to claw back the post-Inter goodwill.

Most important injury news for tonight? Darren Bent’s absence. We don’t need a revenge-drunk predator picking off our error-fond and injury-hit defence right now. Granted, Asamoah Gyan is threatening enough, but avoiding our former fall guy is a nice bonus. For our lot, much depends on Rafael van der Vaart. In an ideal world, Rafa’s given a week or two to rest up and get 100% fit. But judging from our blunt, flimsy attack at Bolton, we need our White Hart Lane goal machine, cameo or otherwise.

Scoring first tonight would help enormously. It’d be nice to baulk this utterly tedious tradition of gifting the opposition a goal headstart (it’s seven games in a row now) and play with a bit of that confidence a lead gives. Likewise, a clean sheet would be lovely. However, with Gallas reportedly out, we’re looking at a green pairing of Kaboul and Bassong and therefore looking fairly vulnerable. I’m currently editing an overblown Jumbotron tribute video to mark Michael Dawson’s glorious return.

It’s becoming tricky to second-guess ‘Arry’s domestic line-ups, and it’ll be interesting to see what he does if Lennon’s out again. What chance David Bentley’s annual opportunity? I thought he might have wasted his final life on that Arsenal nightmare, but it’s about this time of year he musters an average performance and sparks some half-arsed “back to form” natter. I wouldn’t be too against this: Kranjčar was abysmal on Saturday and this team thrives with proper width. However, I fancy Nico’ll get another go and figure alongside Jenas, Huddlestone, Bale in midfield with Modrić impersonating Rafa best he can and Pav ordered to channel his inner Van Basten again. Or at least run about a bit. 

Prediction: We’ll win 2-1. I even think we’re going to score the first goal. It’s going to be a grind though, with the Mackems loading up the middle and numerous pumped-up hoofers looking to make a Steinsson-style name for themselves in halting Bale. Much depends on VdV’s availability, but I’ve got visions of Crouchy rising off the bench and doing something useful tonight. We'll go 2-0 up, before conceding a silly goal and leaving us all fidgety for the last 20 minutes.

BOLTON RANT & PLAYER RATINGS

Right, that was horrible. It was an awful, lily-livered throwback to when our players were feeble, sickly fancy dans, incapable of mustering enough effort to pass the ball six yards to each other, let alone a wholehearted challenge. Even the faux-comeback was irritating. Humiliate the fans by going three down to an incredibly average Bolton side, demonstrate classy goals aren’t a problem when you can be arsed to get us caring again, then crumble at the last. Cheers, Spurs.

Tottenham are often the sporting equivalent of a pricktease. She looks amazing, ticks all the boxes and every so often she’ll give you one of the nights of your life. But the second you relax, she’ll let you down from a thunderous height. I know most us were anticipating an anti-climatic performance post-Inter, but that was like watching a particularly mean-spirited one have full sex with your best mate.

Player Ratings

1. Heurelho Gomes Why can’t he kick properly? Still? It’s becoming similar to Sunday league when your little ‘keeper has to let his oafish defender do his kicking for him. Had no real chance with the goals, but something still feels off with him. 5/10

2. Alan Hutton It’s difficult to locate positives after that spineless capitulation, but at least Al’s marauding attacking confidence has returned. It was a lovely finish, and he made a few timely tackles from dangerous crosses, too. 7/10

13. William Gallas

4. Younes Kaboul

Arguably our best players for spells, but a woeful lack of concentration befell them both. I don’t think I’m ready to talk about the sloppiness that marked all four goals. 4/10 & 5/10

32. Benoît Assou-Ekotto Showed the overwhelming and obvious downside to a professional footballer having a self-admitted lack of passion. He didn’t care one jot today and it was painfully obvious. He often makes you feel stupid for even caring (or writing ranty blogs…) 2/10

21. Nico Kranjčar Once again proved he’s nicer in theory than in practice. Particularly marooned out on the right. Lack of gametime can be blamed, but when we now have a Van der Vaart to build around, his inconsistent, passionless (he flinched out of every tackle presented to him today) talent feels redundant. 3/10

12. Wilson Palacios

30. Sandro

We all know Wilson has been touched by a personal tragedy so extreme most of us can’t comprehend, but he’s a terrible footballer right now. His core skills – tackling, energising his teammates, ability to keep it simple – have evaporated to the point where he’s an utter hindrance to the team. And the development of Sandro, too. Our befuddled but talented Brazilian needs to play with Huddlestone or Modrić, not woeful Wilson. Their sloppiness and lack of urgency rubbed off on each other and the rest of the team. 2/10 & 5/10

3. Gareth Bale Naturally, this entirely predictable comedown performance will take most headlines. And, yes, his was a muted showing, but he still exhibited enough to hopefully dodge a lot of supporters' ire. And let’s face it, if he puts in the odd average game, we might have him for a bit longer. 6/10

14. Luka Modrić Occasionally flitted into the game with a purpose, but far too often shouldered off the ball in dangerous positions and guilty of several woefully underhit passes. Perhaps sitting deeper is his real calling. 5/10

15. Peter Crouch Bullied out of the game by both Zat Knight and Gary Cahill. Won very little and not a sniff of a chance. He has his uses, but accepting his limitations (inability to progress forward with the ball, shoot, quite often simply standing up) can be tough.  4/10

Substitutes

6. Tom Huddlestone When even Big Tom’s pinging the ball absent-mindedly to the opposition, give up. 5/10

9. Roman Pavlyuchenko His strike was sublime, but both he and Crouch’s lack of pace and movement nullify any threat we may offer through the middle. 5/10

5. David Bentley That he's put on as a gesture when the team’s three down at Bolton painfully sums up where “the new Becks” is right now. We did a column with him at Zoo for a while and he’s a proper Spurs fan who wanted to become a hero at White Hart Lane for his family and all his Tottenham mates. He was genuinely heartbroken by how it’s worked out. 5/10